Lost and defeated

Yet another negative stream of thought woke me up at this time of hour.  I feel lost and defeated because I lost another friend..  a friend who chose to keep her distance. I feel of losing myself again.

What makes me defeated is not that though…  I haven’t found my strength back and all I can do is cry as I hear the sound of my breath and their breath.  

I still cannot find a way to forgive myself. I push myself to this dark loneliness.  I made myself feel all this hurt, no one else but myself. 

Where are you, light?