Stream

So many things in my head.  All of it is just mixed up.  All over the place.  No sense of direction.  No sense of purpose. Just nothing.  Lost in the chaos in my head.  Tears just keep streaming down my face.  Even not knowing what is it all about.  Is it pity towards myself?  Is it just pain, sorrow and anger I’ve kept bundled up inside for too long?  Everything is just like a fog in my mind.  Not being able to see the light,  the colors that are already there.  It stops me to see me.  The child in me.  The free me.  The beautiful me.  It’s ironic,  how I can write about it,  but seem to not have the strength to do something about it.  Again,  just like waiting for someone,  for something,  for miracle to save me.  When in my head and in my heart I truly know,  I’m the only miracle there is for myself. 
There’s fear.  Even to discover.  Even to experience it all.  Even to the possibility that there might not be an answer.  Or there maybe an answer but maybe an answer I may not like. 
I question myself all the time.  Are these thoughts even necessary?  Or is it just killing me slowly. 

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