Run for your life

There comes a time in your life,  when you feel like running.  Running away from everything,  even yourself.  I’m in that time in my life. I’ve been running away from my life,  from the people in my life,  avoiding the hurt and sorrow in my life.  I run by blaming.  Blaming life,  blaming others and most of all blaming myself.  I run by being busy.  Doing everything I can to avoid the pain, the sadness. And,  the tears.  The thing about running away is, it always comes back to me,  all the things and the people I avoid. It’s still there.  Just like when running on the tracks or road or wherever it is you are running.  It stays there.  It doesn’t move,  but I do. So many people, either friends,  or wise people have said that running away and facing my pain and sorrow or whatever unpleasant feeling or experience I feel takes the same energy.  How long?  It’s only I who can truly decide how long will I keep running away.  Easy to say than done.  It is. 
So many times.  Over and over I try to convince myself that running away is not the solution. Acceptance is the only way.  But how do one truly accept everything? Each person needs to discover by themselves.  I need to discover it by myself. Decide whether whatever it is happening  hurting me or not. 
I’ve always believed that humans have the power to create their own destiny.  Now however,  I’m not sure. The people I want,  the things that I want most,  leaves. In the back in my head,  I keep telling myself,  maybe that’s the lesson.  Maybe that’s just what I need to get through, so in the end,  the life or the destiny I want will show itself.  But,  is it really like that? There is a bigger power than myself who knows what’s best for me. That is also true. That my destiny is already written,  it’s then my decision to decide how to see it. 
I don’t know exactly. Who does anyway? Who actually knows how their life is going to turn out?  We may think we know or assume based on what others have experienced or from what we’ve experienced before,  but we never exactly know.  That’s why I’m in the process to listen more.  To not judge.  To most of all accept all of me.  All the good and the bad.  All the perfection and all the imperfections. Does this mean I’m stuck because I’m still in that process?  No,  because learning is always on going.  I stumble at the same cause,  because that’s the lesson I need to learn.  That’s the lesson I need to share to others if others are willing.  It’s just how it is.  Seeing it with new fresh eyes.  New and different perspective.
Sometimes I just need to stop running, and really face my demons… And my angels.

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