Heavy,  huh? I guess it is. Yet life is meant to be lived. All of it. Experience it all. Everything that comes in front of me. However it may be. Experiences that always makes me better,  even more the ones that break me, that make me cry over and over again.

People doubt me. Uncertain. Intimidated by me. Question me. Hate me.  Love me. Break me. Just create a richer life.

I may not see it all now. Yet what has happened,  has made me who I am today. I’m sure what’s happening now,  will also create the future me.

I’m still impulsive. Still sensitive. Still assume things. Still see what’s possible and not possible. It’s how humanly human I am. It’s how perfectly imperfect I am. Even now,  I’m still discovering who i am. Only trying to be the best that I can be. Even when the world sees the opposite. Even when people ignore me. Even when I’m invisible.

I cry for the most silly things. Things that most of the time may not make sense. Even now. 
It hurts. It is the risk for being myself.

Even when I cry. Even when I feel sad.  I know I was being myself. Even there’s a risk I lose those who mean a lot. It’s not the tear of regret. It’s the tear of fear. But I know the risk. I also know the reason I did what I did or said what I said. So…  It’s not so bad..  It won’t be so bad in the end. Whenever that may be.

It’s going to be ok. I may not feel like it’s OK now. But it may..  Or may not be ok. Nothing is ever certain. That’s how life works.

The ones who choose to stay,  will stay. The ones who don’t,  will not. I know..  I don’t mean any harm.

No. What’s the point of being understood. I tried that for a long time,  doesn’t happen much. Doesn’t mean much. I just want to live this one life I have..  Leaving meaningful memories. Sharing all of me. All good,  all bad. Living to the fullest.

It’s going to be full of challenge. Always has. But it’s worth it. Even when I die alone with no one coming to my funeral,  I know, just the moment I exhale my last breath,  I gave it all.


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