Leave me alone

Runny nose,  again. Already 3 months with this flu. Another episode of waking up around this hour. Having thoughts of “the usual.” Why?  Why is it the same?  Why am I having this every night? Why does it feel like I’m the only one having these thoughts?  Coz it’s my thoughts,  d’oh!  Unnecessary question.

I do that a lot. Have in my mind things that for most people is just unnecessary. Why do I keep thinking about things that aren’t really necessary to think about? When I say necessary,  it’s kinda like not essential. The thing is…  I always ask in different kinda ways,  and I get upset when I don’t get the answer. I don’t like assuming or guessing what’s up. But,  asking does sound kinda silly or invasion of privacy. So yes,  I do hold back.

It is frustrating. My mind.

It is my mind,  yet it is out of my control. Maybe because I let it do whatever it wants all my life,  that it just like this.

I think out loud. Usually I share it with someone I trust. Apparently,  for most people,  again,  unnecessary thoughts. Too random. Or not attractive. Why do i need to care about what others think?  Even if it’s someone who’s so important to me right now. Why should I care?  Why I do what I do to myself?

I don’t have a clue of my own mind. Just too much. Sometimes I feel like I need someone just to be there. But of course what was attractive before,  has changed now for that person. Hmmm.. 

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