When someone feels bad or sad or worried or anything unpleasant, we tend to say, it will be alright. To our children, we say that. And, that it’s ok stays with you once you grow up. Expecting things going to be alright by ignoring unpleasant emotions, feelings and thoughts. We aren’t taught to identify the problem, the cause and how to get through it. The statement of it’s going to be ok seems to be a quick fix for everything.
Humans, we are born as complex beings with so many emotions and thoughts.
What am I doing? Rationalizing emotions. Which is also a form of ignoring my feelings. Why? Because I’m always labeled as an emotional person. Drama even. Why? Because I’m not so good at expressing myself. When I say good.. Meaning acceptable by people. Most people. I get stuck mostly. Suppressing even more. No healthy outlet of emotions and feelings. Which in the end, becomes a shock, and whoever is within range will experience the discomfort.
Writing about this makes me uneasy. Feeling judged even, by myself. By my thoughts of how others might think of me, of my thoughts and feelings. Result : over thinking. And… Over kill. Suicide in kind of a subtle and in the slowest possible manner.
Even now, I just want to stop because I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to write more. I don’t want people to see me when I’m like this. It will effect not only me, but people around me. And I feel like I mostly consider how people feel or think instead of my own.
Yes… It’s selfish. It’s egotistical when you show your emotions and feelings. It’s ironic. In a world where they say you’re unique. Or, be yourself. But to what extent are you actually allowed to be yourself? Or to what extent are you allowed to show your emotions, feelings and thoughts? Is it always about what is acceptable by the greater good? Whatever the greater good means.