Out of the blue

Have you ever have flashbacks
Good memories of the past
Leap and relive once more

Have you ever just cried
Hoping for the good to stay alive
For the warmth and butterflies

Memories are just a piece of the past
Can never get it back
Can only make new and go on
Not leave,  but moving on
For new beginnings
For new butterflies
For new memories



Trust the beat
Go with the rhythm
Listen to the sounds of your heart
What does it tell you?
How long are you going to hold back?

Throw up

Right now, all I want is to throw up. I’m sick of people deciding for me what I should and shouldn’t do. I’m sick of people thinking they know what’s best. Subtly forcing their opinions on me. Manipulating my senses. It’s disgusting. Finding ways to get through me while I’m still discovering myself. How despicable.

Leave me alone.
Leave my feelings and thoughts be.

I’m sick of people treating me like I’m weak.

So what if I fall?
So what if I broke down?
It’s my life

A scale from 1 to 10

From the scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate your pain? And the image of smiley faces shows up on Baymaxx’ body.  My rate of pain right now…  Is more than 10.

Just one sentence,  has affect my tolerance to pain. Inside,  I’m clutching my stomach and crying out loud.  Screaming so loud that it hurts my chords.

Regret? How can I ever regret my choice? How can I regret the feelings I had and still have?  I’m now faced with consequences of my actions…. The only thing to do is face and feel it all…  I can’t run away even if I wanted to…  I can’t hide the pain and all feelings I have right now under the carpet….  Cannot push it down… 

Time to think of myself…  Time to truly heal myself..  No turning back..  No more hoping..  No more relying…  No more giving myself like this…  No more…  It’s enough….  Enough already….   


Stuck. Back to square one.
I’m still having these same feelings. Unhappy. Disappointment. Unloved.
In the end, I created these feelings for myself and the people around me. Maybe these feelings are actually towards no one else but myself. Blame.  I guess she’s right..   I create bad energy. No wonder.

I…  Need help. I can’t do this on my own. I..  Can’t seem to know how to ask for help. It always sounds sarcastic or pathetic, and ends up as a mess.

But no one,  again,  can save me but me…  It comes back to me again,  does it?