Acceptance (Menerima)

Hanya ini caranya supaya saya merubah pikiran” saya, menulis. Menulis hal” positif dgn tujuan utk punya sudut pandang dan pemikiran positif utk segala hal. Bahwa SEMUA pasti ada hikmahnya. Pasti! Pertanyaannya, mau membuka hati utk melihatnya atau tidak.

Menerima diri saya, hidup yg saya punya, orang” yg msh ada bahkan yg memilih utk pergi dari saya dan menerima semua peristiwa dlm hidup saya. Teori semua ada di kepala. Praktek msh terus dilatih.
Manusia manapun akan sulit menerima peristiwa yg mrk anggap buruk, menyedihkan, menyakitkan dan mengecewakan dlm hidupnya. Manusia manapun juga bisa mudah menerima peristiwa yg mrk anggap baik. Tapi, siapa sebenarnya yg benar” tau peristiwa itu baik atau buruk? Siapa yg sebenarnya menentukan baik atau buruknya? Berdasarkan apa menentukannya? Itu selalu berada dlm pencarian. Padahal banyak yg bilang dan percaya, bahkan saya, bahwa SEMUA pasti ada hikmahnya.
Pilihan yg ada hanyalah menerima apa yg sudah ada dan sudah terjadi. Bahwa butuh proses menerima, tapi pada akhirnya hanya itu pilihan yg ada. Pilihan yg terbaik. Karena apakah bisa merubah yg sudah terjadi? Berharap? Entahlah.

Yg saya tau, saat saya tidak menerima yg terjadi konflik antara mau tdk mau. Tapi lagi”, satu”nya yg bisa membebaskan adalah mau menerima karena ketika konflik yg terjadi kebingungan dan putus asa. Tidak bisa berfungsi. Tidak bermanfaat. Tidak bersemangat. Tidak bertujuan. Lantas buat apa? Buat apa bertahan pada sesuatu yg jelas membuat saya merasa tidak berdaya? Membuat saya merasa tidak berharga. Buat apa? Hanya menghabiskan energi dan menggerogoti jiwa. Merusak diri sendiri. Merugikan org di sekeliling saya.

Menerima adalah semuanya. Menerima bahwa saya punya hati yg mudah mencintai, dan menerima bahwa tidak semua org mau dicintai. Bukan berarti lantas saya jadi tidak layak, tapi memang sudah begitu adanya.

Menerima bahwa sampai kapanpun pendapat org akan mempengaruhi cara saya melihat diri saya. Skrg pertanyaannya, apakah mempengaruhi artinya menentukan siapa saya?

Seharusnya tidak. Yg menentukan siapa saya ya saya sendiri. Selama ini saya pikir, saya tau siapa saya, tapi ternyata ini pun sebenarnya justru jadi batasan. Kenapa saya mesti menentukan batasan siapa saya? Bukankah sebenarnya manusia diberi kemampuan utk menentukan pilihan atas hidupnya? Jadi pilihan itu sendiri tidak terhingga sebenarnya kan? Setiap saat adalah pilihan ketika benar” mau melihat. So, why limit my choices? Why must I be scared that I’m done? I’m only done the day I die.

Menerima bahwa saya masih punya pilihan dan pilihan itu tdk terhingga setiap saatnya. Bahwa semua ini blm berakhir sampai saya hembuskan nafas terakhir.
Belajar berani menerima semua. Belajar berani berjalan dari pilihan saya. Itu adalah bagian dari menerima.

Dan gpp. Saya gpp. Siapa saya gpp biarpun org mengatakan sebaliknya. Menerima diri sendiri mungkin adalah hal tersulit buat saya karena saya selalu merasa kurang bahkan merasa buruk, dan itu justru bukan menerima.
Terima diri sendiri bagaimanapun itu. Semua. Kemudian terus bergerak dan menerima yg lainnya.

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Drops of reality

Drops of water coming down my face
I can’t seem to stop
Yes, stopping is always a problem for me
I keep on moving
Right now, I’m moving in circles
Wanting what I cannot have
Needing the unreachable
The only way I know is this
Letting the drops become a stream
Running around in a circle of storm
Unwanted
Clouded by what I thought was real
No.. I know it is real for me
That’s what matters
Every happiness and sorrow
It’s all real
Now, I’m in the shadow of memories
Shaking
Too scared to move
What now?
Stay and not move
Or, pick myself up bit by bit ?
I’ve been through worst than this
Yet, I keep picking myself up and moving
What’s the difference now?
GET UP!!
Time for me to think about me
Make me a priority in my life
To appreciate my beauty
Yes, i’m beautiful
Time for me to believe in me again
I’m a brave, honest and loving woman
Brave in showing myself, living my life
Honest about me, about my feelings
Loving myself and others
Remember it!!
So, GET UP!!
Be the beautiful self I already am
Just because I’m worth it
Nothing less

Gratitude

I may not be perfect
I may make so many mistakes
I can be crazy sometimes
Naive most of the time
But tonight is the time for me to say thanks
Thankful for this life
Thankful for the people in my life
Thankful for the joy and sorrow
For the laughter and tears
I have a complete life
Filled with ups and downs
Lots of bumps and holes along the way
Some make me smile
Some make me feel pain
That’s the beauty of it
I have a colorful life
And, i’m grateful
Please God, grant me to continue living
Each moment with a smile
Each moment being thankful
To learn,
To continue to grow
For me and for people around me
Amin

Intention

I may have done crazy things and made loads of mistakes. Do I regret them? I cant, can I? It has happened however crazy it was. I will regret if I hadn’t done nothing, if I just gave up. So even I’ve done it and it hurts and it costs people to leave, I still believe in my intentions. Even if the way I did it is seen as wrong by others.

Maybe I will end up alone one day. Or maybe not.. I just want to be the kind of person who stands by other’s side no matter what. Even if they hate me for it, view me badly, even if it hurts me. I won’t give up on people. That’s just who I am and who I choose to be.

The learning is.. To ask permission.. I didn’t. I just assume it would be ok. But o was wrong.

Memories

I’ve been writing and writing, and posted quite a lot today. I need to let my thoughts just stream out of my head. Writing, no matter what readers might see it as, for me is healing. So i don’t keep things inside my head for too long. To give space for my heart to heal. Forgive myself. Accept. Smile. Be happy. A new start each moment. A form of practicing of keep on choosing my attitude, moment by moment. Getting myself unstuck.

I do wish to relive my beautiful memories, but that’s not possible. Memories are things that have passed. Nothing is ever exactly the same. All I can do now is smile to have had all these memories, and live in the present. Creating new and happy moments.

Accept all that has happened. Sweet and bitter. Accept that the past cannot be changed, and it’s ok. There’s no point of taking things too seriously, is there? Because eventually, it just becomes a memory. The thing of the past.

Blame 2

It is easier to blame others. You take away the responsibility of your actions. So you can just not think about it anymore. If you truly see though, did the other person really make you do all the things you did?

The other person just said one thing, “you’re holding me back”. Does that mean that’s the absolute truth?

You may have said or did things that made the other person think or feel that way. But, remember you also said and did different things to make it better, to make it different. Shouldn’t you appreciate yourself for that effort? You did well…

How about the other person? Why bother if that person doesn’t even bother thinking about it? Every man is in it for themselves. For their own convenience. But humans are not. Humans care and they’re not afraid to face what’s in front of them. Not only because it’s convenient or not only because it is interesting for them. Interest can be lost.

When you care, you just care. When you love, you just love. It’s crystal clear. No confusion. No excuses.

Ask yourself. Is this really worth it? Blaming yourself for all this? Why should there be blame anyway? There’s no blaming in love. You know this. You just give.

Let go of the blame.
You are responsible for your actions, like every one else is responsible for their own actions.
Let them be.
Let love grow and always be given away.
That has and will always be who you are.