A wish

Make a wish
A wish upon a star
Is just a wish
It only becomes a mirage
Something you think is real, but isn’t
You can touch and feel it only when you take the step
Once you have the courage to take it
Only then it’s beautiful
Only then it’s worth it
Know when it’s just a wish
Know when it’s true
Trust your heart, and choose it

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Wake up

Exhausted
I’m unhealthy 
Heart, body and soul
All three is starting to break
Is it fixable?
Maybe, but now it doesn’t want to heal
It just want to scream, I need you!
But, nothing
That’s all I have now
Nothing
Now what?
An opportunity or lost?
My choice

It’s still here

It’s still here
I just don’t understand this feeling
Like I’m outside looking in
Not having power over myself
Not having a grip of what’s happening
It lifts me up at times, and holds me down at other times
Accepting gives me more of this mixed feelings
Feelings I thought I lost
Warm fuzzy and bitter cold feelings merge
Overwhelming every being of me
What must I do now?
It’s still here
Only the feeling

Always

No, never felt this way
I can’t get a hold of it
It’s out of my grasp
It’s real and distant at the same time
I can’t explain it
I don’t even understand my heart anymore
It gives me warmth and pain
Brings a smile and a tear
Will it always be like this?
Is this just a dream? 
Just my imagination?
If it is, will I wake up?
Will I? Will you?

Stay

Silence, not the best quality I have
People say, some things are best kept to yourself
I did it once, but it didn’t last
I ended up keeping it long enough until I burst into tears or anger
I see keeping how I feel inside the same as holding back
It actually is different, huh?
Or is it the same?
Does it really matter what the label is?
All I know, I don’t keep my feelings and thoughts inside
That causes a problem in my part
People will go away
OK, I’m too tired..

Pagi ini

Pagi ini msh ada sisa” perasaan sedih dan kesal krn kmrn. Tapi saya putusin utk lakuin hal beda. Narik nafas yg dalam dan pelan” ketika mau ngelakuin sesuatu.  Sedihnya msh ada. Itu gk akan ilang cuma gk meluap”.

Ada momen emg dmn rasanya marah bgt, tp begitu sadar n terima, ya ini konsekuensinya dari omongan dan tindakan saya selama ini, abis itu tenang lg. Gk gampang bgt utk nenangin diri.  Tadinya mikir, apa mem-filter omongan ya? Cuma itu bukan saya.  Skrg tuh lg belajar ngmg dgn tenang aja tp tetap ngmg apa adanya. 

Skrg yg masih terus mesti dipelajari ya ngelepasin.  Ngelepasin keinginan apapun dgn siapapun.  Berharap org gk nyuekin kynya udh gk mungkin… Jadi emg mesti belajar terima itu.  People will do whatever they want, and that’s just how it is. People will ignore and leave me. I need to be ok with that.