A wish

Make a wish
A wish upon a star
Is just a wish
It only becomes a mirage
Something you think is real, but isn’t
You can touch and feel it only when you take the step
Once you have the courage to take it
Only then it’s beautiful
Only then it’s worth it
Know when it’s just a wish
Know when it’s true
Trust your heart, and choose it

Wake up

Exhausted
I’m unhealthy 
Heart, body and soul
All three is starting to break
Is it fixable?
Maybe, but now it doesn’t want to heal
It just want to scream, I need you!
But, nothing
That’s all I have now
Nothing
Now what?
An opportunity or lost?
My choice

It’s still here

It’s still here
I just don’t understand this feeling
Like I’m outside looking in
Not having power over myself
Not having a grip of what’s happening
It lifts me up at times, and holds me down at other times
Accepting gives me more of this mixed feelings
Feelings I thought I lost
Warm fuzzy and bitter cold feelings merge
Overwhelming every being of me
What must I do now?
It’s still here
Only the feeling

Kamis malam

Lelah, deskripsi hari ini. Ke tempat yg baru dan ketemu bbrp wajah baru buat ini gk jelek” amat. Yg bikin lelah perjalanan sih sbnrnya. Dan bbrp hal yg nyedot energi bgt. Pikiran saya.

Saya terlalu capek bahkan utk nulis disini.

Always

No, never felt this way
I can’t get a hold of it
It’s out of my grasp
It’s real and distant at the same time
I can’t explain it
I don’t even understand my heart anymore
It gives me warmth and pain
Brings a smile and a tear
Will it always be like this?
Is this just a dream? 
Just my imagination?
If it is, will I wake up?
Will I? Will you?

Stay

Silence, not the best quality I have
People say, some things are best kept to yourself
I did it once, but it didn’t last
I ended up keeping it long enough until I burst into tears or anger
I see keeping how I feel inside the same as holding back
It actually is different, huh?
Or is it the same?
Does it really matter what the label is?
All I know, I don’t keep my feelings and thoughts inside
That causes a problem in my part
People will go away
OK, I’m too tired..

Pagi ini

Pagi ini msh ada sisa” perasaan sedih dan kesal krn kmrn. Tapi saya putusin utk lakuin hal beda. Narik nafas yg dalam dan pelan” ketika mau ngelakuin sesuatu.  Sedihnya msh ada. Itu gk akan ilang cuma gk meluap”.

Ada momen emg dmn rasanya marah bgt, tp begitu sadar n terima, ya ini konsekuensinya dari omongan dan tindakan saya selama ini, abis itu tenang lg. Gk gampang bgt utk nenangin diri.  Tadinya mikir, apa mem-filter omongan ya? Cuma itu bukan saya.  Skrg tuh lg belajar ngmg dgn tenang aja tp tetap ngmg apa adanya. 

Skrg yg masih terus mesti dipelajari ya ngelepasin.  Ngelepasin keinginan apapun dgn siapapun.  Berharap org gk nyuekin kynya udh gk mungkin… Jadi emg mesti belajar terima itu.  People will do whatever they want, and that’s just how it is. People will ignore and leave me. I need to be ok with that.

Prayer

As I lie on my bed, I pray
Pray for the life I have
All the joy, all the sorrow
All the laughter, all the tears
All the love and every pain of today
I’m not the religious type
So I pray for what I know and don’t know
Pray for my family’s happiness
Pray for my friend’s happiness
No matter how I’ve been treated or hurt
I will still pray for them
Even when I’m still misunderstood
I pray for my heart
The one that has always stood by me
Telling the truth
Keeping me in love even when I start to get bitter
Keeping me care even when I hurt
I pray my heart to open other hearts, for them to love and trust again
I pray my heart stays strong even I’ve been knocked down a million times
No, i’m not religious
I just trust my heart..  it always tells me good and for me goodness is religion
I pray for you, no matter what has happened
No matter how many times I get misunderstood, used and ignored
I pray my heart has opened a little crack in yours, so u might see your heart and trust it again

Breath

Stay calm
Breathe even if it hurts
Even if it feels like tears are coming down
Breathe to calm the mind
To slow down the heartbeat
To ease the storm
Breathe with everything that is happening this moment
Breathe
Don’t mind what others might think
Believe even when no one does
Believe even when you’re on your own
Breathe and stand tall because you know
What’s true and pure in your heart
No need to prove
No need to explain anymore
What’s true will reveal itself
You will feel it
Because the heart knows, feels
It will open the mind and see for itself

Assumption

It’s just who I am
Speak from my heart and mind
Even that people still misunderstand
Still people assume my motive
I don’t hide
Maybe I should instead
Hide, disappear
Why should I care?
People don’t  care anyway
They assume as they please